"[You should see me solve a CAPTCHA.]" OMG. SO funny. Made me giggle out loud.

I think what you're drawing attention to is how many different kinds of approaches are needed for different people and different times and different degrees of urgency. One thing I've noticed that people tend to do is assume that all people fit into either two categories—trans allies or transphobes—that don't differentiate from there. The transphobes they have in mind all think and operate in the same way. In reality, there are different motivations, intellectual capacities, and positionalities of those people. It sounds like you do understand this. I do, too, though I can always use reminding that not everyone who is transphobic is someone who can have a rational discussion—that's just most of the people in my circle.

I think what we all need to create collective power and progress is a decision-making matrix of sorts to know when to use X tool or when to invest Y amount of time or when to ignore versus engage, etc. I think at the bottom of this essay I link to something I wrote about how to create social transformation where I tried to describe different kinds of scenarios and say when we need to use force or not. I think we need something like this that's trans-specific.

I could easily be wrong about this because I didn't put in much time to understand the full history but I have this impression that one of the things that happened with J.K. Rowling is that as soon as she voiced her opinions about trans issues and feminism, she was immediately attacked with insults, anger, threats, etc. I don't know if this is ever the right approach but I'm certain that if it is, she's not the right person to use that kind of strategy against, that it would only backfire. I think she is the kind of person who would respond to logic and patient engagement if that was the only thing that happened, because I think she is ultimately a good person with sincere misunderstandings and frustrations. It would take time and repetition, but I think she's the kind of person who is capable of changing her mind. Moreover, she is so influential that it's worth assuming the best and offering the best form of engagement and persuasion. It's worth treating her in a specific sort of way if only to not cause her peers to hate trans people or social justice activists because they so identify with JKR as an older white woman or as an intellectual or as a whatever. I know there's room for debate around this but I think what I'm saying is worth considering.

Whereas there are other people for whom this will always be a waste of energy because they are just, for lack of better word, evil. Or there are other people for whom this will always be a waste of energy because they are damaged. Or they are just intellectually incapable of understanding without great effort AND they lack the motivation to put in that effort. As for how to respond to these sorts of people, I don't really know and I feel scared that I don't know.

But I do have people in my sphere who are more like JKR and I know that trying to intimidate them into silence or agreement, using pressure, using any cancel culture tactics, is 100% going to backfire. And I think it's incumbent upon people like me who are allies and who have capacity to try to meet these people where they are at.

It sounds like you are understanding me to NOT be saying that trans people "should" do anything and I thank you for taking the time to understand that. I'm never about telling trans people or Black people that they're doing self-protection wrong. My essays around these topics are always directed at allies, especially straight or even queer white people. Sometimes these people appropriate the pain of other marginalized people and we "perform" advocacy work with the same level of emotionality as the people who have earned those emotions through oppression. I think it's counter-productive to do this, insulting, and really fucking annoying. If I'm getting more angry than trans folks about transphobia, or more angry than Black people about racism... there's something else going on there that I should address so I can be more effective and not use other people's oppression for my own catharsis. (Which I HAVE done in the past, full disclosure.)

I am close to sharing what I think is a really helpful logic flow chart to explain to people why sex and gender are undefinable objectively and why this means we have to let people define it for themselves and proof that we have the capacity to handle all of this and the proof is in how we manage religious freedom. My hope is that it's useful for people like yourself to link to so that you DON'T have to try to explain to people. My goal with it is to frame things logically, not ideologically.

Thank you for your comment!